don't try this at home.

E: Try this on.
C: You finished a sock? Hooray! Is it a right sock or a left sock?
E: (stumped) Left sock.
C: It's a little tight. You sure it's a left sock?
E: It's supposed to be snug.
C: Well, the top is fine... (blah blah blah knitting stuff)
E: (well-thought out knitting observations)...It's made to stretch, though.
C: Like a foot condom.
E: Exactly.
[C removes sock and tucks in loose ends.]
[E rummages for an actual latex condom, takes off one sandal, rolls condom down foot. Admires toes and slightly-more-svelte arch of foot.]
E: See? It's comfy enough. And look! Safe footsies!
[C dies of laughter. E takes self portrait with prophylactic clad leg.]
C: You miss your old job sometimes, don't you?

(For the record: 68 sts on leg, 74 stitches on instep. For best results, use XL condom.)